As I’ve been sharing the details of my friends and follower clean up, it’s been fascinating to get the support and feedback from my tribe. Generally everyone is not only for it, but inspired by it and motivated to take their own action. If you are or have, please feel free to comment on the blog or shoot me an email. I genuinely want to hear from you.
I did receive one scathing venom-laden nasty-gram in the form of a very long FB email. In times past I would have taken it very much to heart, tortured myself over what it meant, wondered how I needed to be different, yada, yada, yada. Today, I read it, let it pass by me and tapped delete. I am who I am. You are who you are. Don’t be swayed by one person or even a dozen people’s opinions. One of my truly favorite expressions is “what you think of me is none of my business.” That gem is from Wayne Dyer, one of my all time favorites in personal development.
Your greatest strength is in knowing who you are, what you stand for, what is important to you, and what your gifts and talents are. When you waiver or bow to popular opinion (or heck even unpopular opinion) you lose yourself and you become like a flag in the wind, changing your direction based on the wind, regardless of your true colors and pattern.
This means when you are presented with a professional opportunity that isn’t within your scope and doesn’t interest you as a challenge, but you take it on because you “need” it or “think” you should, you are going to lose yourself. I guarantee it. I’ve done it.
This means that when you are flexible in what you stand for, adapting to suit the messenger, you stand for naught. You have lost yourself and your value. Go get it back, stand in your strength.
No matter what you do there will always be people willing to jump up to disagree, argue, put you down, complain, heckle, distract, and generally create ill will and chaos. You can listen and get caught up or you can put healthy blinders on to that kind of angst and go forth in your strength, standing in your you.
Stop doubting yourself and know the difference you make and can make. Inevitably when I coach and mentor my clients will say “I was going to do that, but stopped,” “or I wondered about doing that, but wasn’t sure.” Well here is your official permission. Go and do it, stand in your strength and let those who aren’t a part of that just roll right past you.
I certainly recognise being presented with a professional opportunity that isn’t really within my scope and doesn’t interest me as a challenge. Recently I took it because I thought I should! Guess what? I lost myself and have now had to take time out to get back to me. It never is worth it! And that is the advice I would have given others – physician heal thyself time!
Hey Wendy,
Yes, I know this feeling too that’s why I was able to share the power of standing in your strength. Sometimes we all need a reminder, sounds like you got one!
Great to hear from you and know that I’m still on Twitter just now @melissagalt, love to follow you.
Hugs, Melissa
Oh how this chimes with me. Recently I was asked by a much-valued client to help ghost write her book. It was flattering – she liked the style of mine – and for a day or two I gave it serious thought. But the way it would have been managed, and the fact that I was being shoe-horned into the role and that I would have lost credibility in the organisation as a whole, eventually pulled me back to my senses, and I said no. It wasn’t comfortable, and it has distanced us, but I know it was the right decision.
Like Wendy, I’m learning to trust my heart when it sinks at the very thought of a piece of work that’s wrong.
Ann,
You nailed it, when your heart sinks at thought, it has to be no.
The distance will heal itself and may give you a chance to provide a needed resource who is a fit.
Good for you for staying strong.
Hugs, Melissa
Great reminder, Melissa! Been there, too…more than once! It is an empowering feeling to know who you are and what you have to offer and releasing the courage to stand firm in that!
Have a beautiful day!
Kathleen
Thanks Kathleen,
Yes it is empowering! Love your frame on that picture, very YOU.
Hugs, Melissa
Thanks, Melissa! I’ve been having fun rebranding as I see more clearly where I’m headed! The fact that I have found a wonderful assistant is very helpful, too!
Kathleen,
A wonderful assistant is indeed a rare and wonderful gift.
Excited to see where you land.
Hugs, Melissa
I spent seventeen years being ‘flexible’, pushed to fulfill someone else’s goals for me. Yes, I could certainly do what was wanted – but they weren’t goals that were important to ME! I didn’t want to be a director of a small corporation, especially one promoting values foreign to my own; I did want to follow my passion for holistic health and empowering women to create and own their wellness. It quickly became clear that I could not follow my passion and continue to meet those goals set for me. So, I’m divorcing him and going about being who I am, not who he wants me to be. Whoo hoo!!! It took a very long time, but I finally realized that, at the end of my life, what will matter is not what anyone else thought of what I had made of my journey, but what I thought of it.
Wow Victoria!
That is wonderful, congratulations for stepping up to live your own desired experience and stop being living someone else’s dream for you. That is a tough decision.
I lived my Mom’s dream for me for a good many years, in fact she had to pass away and then it took me 5 years to reinvent my life and open it up to a place to live my own dreams.
Big, gutsy decisions. Awesome to hear from you!!
Hugs, Melissa
Thanks, Melissa. I’ve got the qualifications down now, and am getting overwhelmed with business building. Guess who I’ll be calling on as soon as my settlement comes through?!
Victoria,
I look forward to hearing from you and working with you! You have done the hardest part, it gets easier from here because we are harnessing your passion with purpose!
Hugs, Melissa
Such a great message, Melissa!
I just picked up Wayne Dyer’s book ‘Excuses Begone’ the other night. Now, I definitely have to make it my next read.
I spent time rethinking my brand, my values and what runs my passion over the holidays.
Tonight, I give my very first talk to a group of teens on decorating their rooms as my first step in to the new brand – really excited about it.
Wish me luck!
Catherine,
You’ll WOW them for sure. Excited for you about the new direction, you are making an impact at a critical time in life. Very empowering.
Hugs, Melissa
That’s a great step Catherine…re-thinking our values is something we should do regularly!
Good luck with the talk!:)
Melissa, I have been following you on FB and the email newsletter for less than a year but I am so inspired by your wisdom and counsel.
I am a baby boomer that went back to school 10 years ago to get my interior design degree. I feel like a “late bloomer”. After graduation I was fortunate to land an Associate Designer position working with the owner-designer at a small high end design firm. I gleaned much from my boss but quickly realized I would never move up. I was not allowed my own clients…(history had proved that the owner was not the type to share.) So, after nearly 4 years, I decided to leave and go out on my own…. (time is ticking & I’m not getting any younger!)
When I resigned, the owner pleaded with me to stay …offered me more pay,etc.. but I refused.
I have been gone now for 6 months and recently the owner emailed me asking me to please reconsider. This was very flattering and tempting since my financial situation is screaming…DO IT !!!
But, I completely lost myself there. There were some issues in management and emotionally, it became a toxic environment for me. (not to mention that this was a very long commute each day)
The dilemma: because of my financial situation and now having a better sense of who I am …I am considering proposing that I work in an “out-sourcing” capacity from my home. I need some advise on this type of arrangement. How does it work? Is it a good thing?
Vyv,
I’d be happy to advise but need to know more. Let me know if you want to talk. You can email me directly or comment back here.
Hugs, Melissa
Hi, Melissa!
Great seeing you Fri. I really enjoyed your talk.
I have had several “aha” moments since which tie into your comments. One being that I had forgotten that what we create is “magic” others can not see. I am always amazed when I go back to a job and see the results.
I have also been treating my business like a “hobby” – acting as if I am doing “favors” for clients instead of being clear on the services I provide. Which relates to taking responsibility and having confidence. Not sure where I lost it – but it is time to step up to the plate!
Cheryl,
Great to see you too! Glad to hear about the AHA! moments, yes sounds like this was a valuable wake up call.
Hugs, Melissa
Absolutely, Melissa! You’re so right! There are people out there who don’t know any other way to behave but to spew toxic messages. Has nothing to do with the people to whom they are directing that type of message. Sad, really, that they have learned to live life that way.
Lorraine,
Ah but they haven’t learned to live, just survive. Living is in the moment with joy, engaged, tuned in, turned on and connected!
Hugs,
Melissa
Melissa, I’ve noticed that blessing people like that, helps to stop them coming into your radar. Any venom shows immense suffering from the person spitting, in the form of insecurity, blame and personal attack. I mean would you want THEIR life? No sirreeee.. Compassion is an art ….don’t put up with any sh**t but understand the others’ pain.
I’m saying that and I’m a marshmallow too! But I’ve noticed that blessing people like that helps to stop them coming into our radar. I said HELPS!:)