The Surefire Formula for Failure . . . Is This You?

Posted by in Best Business Practices, Business Development, Marketing Strategies, Melissa Galt, Mindset, Success Habits

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Do you remember the classic crooner Frank Sinatra? I ask only because in today’s high tech, warp speed world, classics come and go almost as quickly as a new trend or fad. Sinatra had, among his many hits, a song title “I Did It My Way.” And I realized the other day that has been the key not just to my business success but to that of my clients as well. I’ve simply facilitated their ability to find “their” way.

I lost my way recently. I fell into that place of listening to too many other people and trying to please all of them while forgetting that the person I need to please the most is ME!  Now, lest that sound selfish or inappropriate, let me explain and suggest that if you fall into the category of being a People Pleaser too, you read extra closely. This could save you a lot of time, frustration, anxiety, and even money.

You see when I embarked on that path of technology transition, while it occurred to me to get another PC, I’d had a number of creative colleagues and even non-creative friends rave about Apple and how superior it was. Except they didn’t just rave (fanatics rarely d0), they demanded that I make a change. At least that is what it sounded like to me. And, being the People Pleaser that I am, I acquiesced.

I wanted so badly to make all those rabid Apple fans happy that I just assumed (and we all know what happens when you do that “ass u me”) that I’d be happy with the change. So, I failed to do my due diligence. I didn’t check out what the transition would look like, I didn’t explore the nuances of each system and what they would mean to me personally. I just dove in with both feet and promptly hit the bottom. OUCH!

In the process of surfacing this last week with the help of a new, young, wildly talented tech (best thing to come out of this mess so far), I had the big wake up call. (Think head slap here!) I needed to do what was right for me and let all those Apple users be damned. Oh, they are still friends, colleagues, people I enjoy and both inspire and am inspired by, but they aren’t me and what works for them, may not and in this case, definitely doesn’t work for me.

Interpersonal Skills, Relationship Expert, Motivational Speaker, Melissa Galt, How to Stop Being a People PleaserI’m ditching the new Macbook Pro and the new Imac and returning to my happy place with a new HP laptop and bright new monitor. Get over it Apple maniacs!  The gap has closed the last few years in operation systems, yes I will have to run antivirus software, I’m cool with that. More importantly, I will get a screen I like, searching that works and I’m used to it (Mac was not friendly on this front and required customization), and a fully functioning Outlook with my daily calendar on the same screen (out of site, out of mind). I will even enjoy my weather icon and calendar widget on my home screen, not a separate screen as Mac insisted (in their clearly less than infinite wisdom.)

So, I’m going to say something here that few have ever said and you may not hear from many others. I like Windows. It works for me. The majority of what I do is email, word, powerpoint, and very limited fooling about with pictures. I don’t photoshop. I may produce a video, but I leave the editing to an expert.  I write books, I don’t illustrate them beyond clipart. I design but have staff who handle CADD (though I learned it before it was even taught in schools, lol.) In other words, as creative as I am, I don’t need an Apple. What I need is a system that I know, like, and trust. I understand the weaknesses in Windows and can live with those.

I’m finally getting brave enough to please myself! I’m going to stop chasing what everyone else thinks I should have and go with what I want. I suggest you do the same thing. Like the not yet classic singer Nikka Costa says “Can’t Please Everybody.”

Tell me here about your latest sacrifice to pleasing everyone else and what you are going to do to take your POWER back!! Oh and remember to follow me online at facebook, twitter, and linkedin.

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30 Responses - Join the Discussion!

  1. I think I was one of the Apple “ravers” Melissa. I love them but you are right not everyone does. In the end you need to be working on a system that is easy for you – no one needs a “tech headache” on top of work!

    Enjoy Windows :-)

    Kate

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Kate!

      I appreciate your support in advocating what works for me. Many tend to instead advocate only what works for them, lol.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  2. Tracey Tarrant

    Melissa I feel your pain. I have done so much of what others want over the last year that I really set myself behind. I listened to a coach who just kept on and on about mlm companies. So I put my personal feelings aside and tried it. I spent a ton of money. Made my friends and family feel awkward and above all else I felt horrid. It’s not me. Yes it works for others…but it’s not me. So I’m focused back on what I do best…manage businesses and help them grow, create relationships on the social networks and virtual assistance. I’m happy again and it shows. Kudos to you for listening to what makes you happy

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Tracey,

      So glad you are back on track. I’ve been down that MLM route myself TWICE, not me either, definitely felt pressure. UGH. Follow your bliss.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  3. Bravo Melissa! Ya, Apple fanatics try and talk me into buying their Koolaid and I always decide to stay with my PC. My desktop is made by a friend that customizes each one. He makes only the best.

    You have to go with what works for you. Glad to hear you went PC this time.

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Steve,

      It has been fun having my PC friends finally step up and shout out.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  4. Ah yes, how we allow people to sway us even when our guts is shrieking at us not to walk that particular path :) But all experiences are part of life, and hopefully we learn from them and what to do next time, or what not to do. Is it really a case of being a people-pleaser or just saying yes to stop the nagging?

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Beba,

      Good point, in this case it truly was people pleasing and valuable lessons learned.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  5. Licia

    Thank you for bring this to my attention. It was most important for me. I have decided that 2012 is my year. I think I am the worst. I have tried to please people all my like and it just does not work. Because of my trying to please others it has cost me quite a lot.. I wont go into detail but because it is a new year I am making the choice to please me. I know what my passion is and am going to pursue it. Friends mean well sometimes people but because it has been my pattern all my life others pick up on it and I end up in out so good of situations. I know that I will have to be very aware of people and what they are looking for and if it does not serve my purpose I can say “no this does not work for me” Thank you again

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Yay Licia,

      Please don’t hesitate to reach out when you need some extra support. It is a long journey and lots of bumps along the way, lol. It is entirely worth it. I now have a circle of friends who really step up and we have fun together. Still many decisions to make, but I’ve made some good ones lately.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  6. I save my people pleasing for paying customers – great customer service builds a strong business but I would never change how I run my company to please someone else. I ran an insurance business on a PC and had no problems now I am in a graphics intense business and use a MAC and have no problems. You have to do what is right for you and your business and I really don’t get why people get all bent out of shape about what kind of computer anyone else uses – who cares? It is a tool that we use nothing more and when you find a tool a fits you and what you are doing and allows you to get your work done with minimal aggravation then you stick with it. It’s the finished product that counts not how you get there. Glad your frustrations are behind you and that you are doing what is right for you and your business.

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Anna,

      Yes, I agree, it is only a tool and we each need to pick what works for us. I got lost in that one, and am now FOUND!

      Great to get your take.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  7. Louise

    I’m happy to hear you settled your computer status. As I said, I know many Mac users and they are very happy. And have had people tell me I should switch. Well, being a more conservative / analytical type, I did a little research and yes they say Mac is great – but also say it really works best for graphics and those people. And if you do more word stuff then PC, with all its upgrades over the past few years, is fine. That worked for me. I don’t change for the sake of changing and I continue to see PC in my future.

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Louise,

      I am less analytical, less conservative and more apt to act quickly based on the recommendations of others. Oops! Ironically, I know many Mac users also and while some say they are problem free, I know others who are plagued and regularly in the Apple Store, that seems to be part of the cult of pride, lol. I’m back to PC, gotta order a new one yet.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  8. Aaaaah spot on!

    I was just thinking this tonight…people pleasing mixed with a hefty dose of guilt!

    I have found myself saying “yes” (from guilt) and then being completely upset with myself for attempting to please others.

    The answer for me is to allow myself time to breathe inenough

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Katherine,

      Guilt is a choice and not a healthy one, lol. Let go, breathe, live, prosper.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  9. Aye! What I get for replying via touch pad kindle….I wasn’t even done with my sentence!!! LOL!

    Ok….allow myself enough time to breathe and CONSIDER what I want to do!!!!

    Everyone will likely put the pressure on of how majorily important their request is…however, if I am not “happy” with what I give as an answer the resentment will be no help to anyone.

    This was my “Eye Opener” tonight.

    Good on ya to trust your instinct….it’s why you have one!!!

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Actually your first thought was pretty complete, lol. I know the hazards of fingers flying on the keyboard, but not the keypad, lol.

      Glad to provide an “eye opener” always.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  10. Glad to hear the end of your story, I had been wondering what you decided to do. I agree, do what works best for your style of getting things done.

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Sue,

      BTW, always great to hear from you and also to see a friendly face (too many aren’t using gravatar!)

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  11. I love your candid approach Melissa. And I so get what you’re saying about people pleasing. Almost killed me. I mean that! I developed cancer in the mid 80′s and almost died in 1989. And today I teach my patients how to avoid this tendency…

    All of that said, I used to try to please all of my PC friends by working on a PC. No go for me! Once I tried Mac there was no going back. Mac and I have our ups and downs – today being a down day. He just would not cooperate. But normally our love affair is soooo strong, I know I can depend on him when the job has to get done and look good!

    I guess you can tell I spend way too much time with my dear, usually dependable, Mac. Some of of friends actually think I have a boyfriend named Mac – I don’t correct them because it would take too long to explain – and Mac and I have way too much work to get done for me to get into a deep conversations about our relationship…. LOL

    Thanks for all you do Melissa!
    Marilyn

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Marilyn,
      As I said, you need to do whatever works best for YOU. And I will do what works best for me! I don’t want a love affair with a piece of technology, I’ll stick with people for that. LOL.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  12. Melissa,

    You are so right about people pleasing! It’s easy to follow fanatics who completely believe in what they have to say and promote.

    One other area where many of us fall into the “People Pleasing” trap is in our relationships with other people…and especially our families and even our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend! Until we get really honest with ourselves and recognize not only that we ARE doing it but what it’s costing us – in terms of our personal integrity and wasted time, effort, and money – we will never even begin the process of addressing it.

    Well done for taking the first step in creating a more authentic YOU!

    So, what will your next step be Melissa?

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Brad,

      Not sure if you’d count it, but got a new hair style and bravely put a pic I took (not waiting for my photographer) up on Facebook already :).

      It makes me crazy when I meet folks and they bear no resemblance, being in integrity is vital.

      The hair was to please me, no one else, though I’ll admit I did check in with friends (at least a couple) before I went ahead . . .

      Great to hear from you. How about adding your picture to gravatar.com so we can “see” you here.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  13. Brava! ::clap clap:: Thank you for this. I am thrilled someone was willing to admit the shortcomings of Apple. I have been using PCs forever and I am fine with them. I am seriously contemplating getting myself a Macbook for home but NOT because of the Apple lovers out there. It’s because I work on a Mac every single day at my job so I am comfortably bicomputer. :-) I have a lot of art going on in my business and it will help with that. What I won’t do? Buy a stupid iPhone! I talked to a friend who, like yours, made it sound like I was going to be the last person on earth whose body wasn’t snatched and others would be pointing and screaming at me if I didn’t succumb to this iPhone mania. He mentioned how all those Apple devices sync up, which can be convenient, but God forbid you have a non Apple device in the mix and things get all thrown off. Or – gasp! – what if you want to switch? It can be hard to untangle that mess.

    No thanks. Macbook? Sure, I may do it AFTER I buy a couple of new PC laptops for my kids so I don’t have to have them both on my mac. My daughter has an iPod, which she wanted and that’s fine. But overall, I am not one of the Apple drones out there and I plan to keep it that way if only on principle. ;-)

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Monica,

      Glad to know another non-koolaid drinker! LOL. I tried the Iphone briefly against my better judgement and hated it. I am thrilled with my new Samsung Galaxy Nexus Droid :). My new PC arrives tomorrow, fingers crossed and a new monitor, can’t wait.

      I think Windows needs to create a cult because there are plenty of us willing to be loud and proud PC users!

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment
  14. Welcome home, Ms. Melissa!

    President of newly founded SOPCL
    (Society of PC Lovers…)

    ;-)

    Reply to this comment
  15. Hell YA! I’m with you! I work on a Mac for a client, but when I upgrade my own system it is PC all the way!

    Reply to this comment
    • Melissa Galt

      Thanks Julie,

      Glad to know I am in such great company!

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply to this comment

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