There are 5 simple criteria I use for determining whether or not I will accept a friend request on Facebook, an follower on Twitter, or a connection on LinkedIN. I am sharing them here because accepting everyone isn’t a good policy, being discriminating is. Remember that ultimately these are people of a quality that you want to do business with, or hang out with personally. And since we really are the sum average of those we surround ourselves with, it makes sense to give extra care to those in our tribe.
Now, these aren’t hard and fast rules, but flexible guidelines. I can share that having recently hit the Facebook limit of 5K friends I am sorry I didn’t institute this care at the start as I’d have fewer friends but more that I truly got to know. Weeding through those I have to deselect those that I have nothing in common with and don’t want to know more about (yes, there are a few) is incredibly time consuming. So here are the 5 essentials:
- Show a smiling (yes I trust teeth) close up avatar (headshot). In focus (this is the age of digital do-overs, no excuses for those filtered shots, and make it the same on every network; congruency counts. Oh, and this needs to be current because one day we just might meet face to face and it would be disappointing and frustrating not to recognize you because you thought this was online dating (it isn’t) and use a picture 10 years old and 20 pounds lighter. (Just for the record, it isn’t acceptable in online dating either, but people do it all the time.)
- Make the invite personal on FB and LinkedIN. One out of every 30-50 invites I get is personal. That means that someone has taken an extra 20 seconds to send me a note about how they know me and why they want to connect. I’ll forgive a lot of sins for a personal note in an age it is so rare.
- Be active on the network you are inviting me into, I will check and you should to. I’m okay with you being new, but on Twitter, better have at least 10 tweets and not all ads, on FB regular posts and I want to see you are growing your friends.
- Your profile must be complete and visible. I think it is virtually hilarious when someone invites me to connect but their profile is private so I can’t see anything about them. If I don’t know anything about you, why on earth would I connect? (This isn’t online dating, some smoking hot picture isn’t enough.)
- A positive attitude goes a long way and let’s make this social, not intimate. I really don’t care what you ate for lunch. I’m not interested in long political rants or religious diatribes. I am interested in your talent, your genius, your expertise and finding out the difference you make to others. If you don’t make a difference, then we probably don’t need to talk.
Do I sound harsh? I hope not, but I am really tired of people wanting to be my “friend” for no reason at all. I regularly train wannabe connections on LinkedIN to add a friendly photo of themselves (not their pet, their kids or their house), and for goodness sakes tell me how I know you or why you want to connect. I want to serve and support your success, when you keep me in the dark, it makes me wonder what you want. On Twitter, I dump those that are inactive, I lose those unable to put a personal photo of themselves up, and I block spammers, and those who rant. These are my rules and they work for me, perhaps these will give you some incentive to create your own and guard your network just a bit more.
Good post.
I would also add that it’s important to remember that social networking is SOCIAL.
Because social networking is easy to setup and relatively easy to grow, business tend to hop in and immediately start “pimping their wares.” – This is the fastest way to turn people off and your posts will most likely end up being “hidden” by them, or worse, you may be de-friended.
Use the right tools, for the right strategies.
p.s. Melissa, new site looks great.
Thanks Christian,
My readers know that it is about social first and business second. I advocate that first and foremost!
Hugs, Melissa
Melissa, Love this post! And your timing is perfect. Having just started a Facebook fan page, I am facing this very question. We tweet quite a bit (sometimes about design, social media or our cats) but I am out of my element in the fan page. That being said, I have been warned about one of my fans and in a quandary – to keep or delete? How does one delete a Facebook fan? Will let you know (privately) what I decide to do, but would love your input.
Catherine,
My regrets, didn’t see these comments, eek! Hope you solved the issue. BTW, get your pretty face up on gravatar.com so we’ll see it here.
Hugs, Melissa
Great article and good advice!
Thanks Christina,
Good to know you are keeping in touch :).
Hugs, Melissa
Nice post, Melissa:
I have to say, I have been very picky on Facebook connections (I like to keep that to people I’ve already connected with, preferrably in person), not so much on Twitter (if you’re not a spammer and you tweet in English, I’ll probably follow back) and not at all on LinkedIn (the more the merrier). So, you’ve given me pause for thought. Thanks.
Mike
Mike,
That’s what this is all about, thinking a little more about what you want and how you are going to get it faster!
Hugs, Melissa
Those are 5 excellent points, especially number 4. I am very hesitant to connect with someone who has a “new” or “locked down” profile, and I cannot see anything about them. I prefer to meet REAL people, and this blog certainly shows people how to be more real online.
Fiona,
Thanks so much, can’t believe I missed these comments! ACK! You are so right, I am open and transparent and want others to be also!
Hugs, Melissa
Great content. Made me go and change some things on my Facebook landing page!
And I think writing a personal message with a friend request is as valuable as writing a personalized thank you card!
Sang D
Sang,
You are so right about that as valuable as a thank you note. Absolutely! Now, go on over to gravatar.com and put your great face in there so we can see you when you comment.
Hugs, Melissa
Great Advice all around!!! I could actually relate to #1. I was guilty of keeping up an old profile pic from my younger thinner days a few years back. I was shocked at how much everyone loved the new photos of the “current me” lol
Lisa,
We all love the REAL you, not some “old” version. No one cares much about the changes, just about honesty.
Hugs, Melissa
Thanks for the tips Melissa. I currently use FB only for people I know well or really want to get to know better. Your strategies are certainly great to grow the number, if needed. Tim-
Thanks Tim,
Actually these guidelines apply whether you are growing or simply connecting to those you know, like and trust.
Hugs, Melissa