I’ve started having to scroll through junk again these days since my email filters have gone wonky.
To my horror I discovered . . . (WATCH the VIDEO)
that I’ve been added arbitrarily, no permission asked (and none granted), to even more mailing lists belonging to colleagues, business acquaintances and networking contacts. This is NOT okay. This is not good email etiquette nor sound list (or community) building.
It is never okay to add anyone, without their express permission, to your mailing list. Not only is it inappropriate and poor email etiquette, it is against the law and you can be fined or your account shut down for spamming.
Here are a handful of ways you might meet people, where it is NOT okay for you to simply add them to your list.
- You are their coach, or they are your coach (it is still optional!)
- You met them on a panel you moderated or participated in (happened recently.)
- You met them at a networking event and traded business cards. (Real estate agent did this to me recently, I’m not in the market!)
- You attended a seminar and sat next to each other and swapped cards and conversation.
- You met them in a Starbuck’s line.
- You connected with them on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Twitter.
Stop it, just STOP IT! When I want to be on your list, I’ll do it this way (it is up to the individual, not up to you):
- Opt-in form on your website
- Exit Pop with opt-in on your website
- Sign up on the clipboard you pass around at a live event (not my favorite but gives permission)
- Give you my business card with YES printed clearly on the back because you asked those of us who were interested, to let you know at a live event you spoke at.
This is not about building your numbers. When you add people without permission, we are well within our rights to tag you as SPAM when we unsubscribe.
Besides don’t you think that if I am truly your target market (not a colleague, not an acquaintance, not a random networking meet up, not a friend, not a competitor) and you provide genuine value, I’d jump on your list? Don’t you think I’d clamor to be in your community?
Meeting me either virtually or live in reality DOES NOT give you permission to add me to any list you have, that is unprofessional email etiquette. It does give me the right to label you SPAM when I unsubscribe (yes I know I said that once already, it needs to be reiterated), and ultimately enough of those incidents and your email service (Constant Contact, Mail Chimp, Infusionsoft, Aweber or others) is going to penalize you accordingly. In addition, you will have pissed off potential clients and customers who will likely tell others about their unfortunate experience.
As always, your comments are valuable to me, please share your thoughts on email etiquette, permission based marketing and your experience with people spamming you, below.
To say it simply; I agree!
The only time I ever manually added people tp my list, was when I went from my manual list to Maichimp. They had opted in at my web shop. I have never put anyone on any of my lists without their permission.
Thanks Linda,
Like the new photo! I know you play by the rules and it makes a difference. :).
Hugs, Melissa
Well Melissa. I couldn’t agree more. I’m a regular attender at Networking meetings. Meeting new people and exchanging business cards. Back in my office, I’ll look for them on LinkedIn and ask to connect. If they accept, I thank them.
However, I’m about to use my 800+ connections as part of the mailing list I’ve put together. The first eshot will ask their permission to use their email address for the series of eshots I’m planning on sending out. They can unsubscribe immediately as the unsubscribe button will be in the centre of the page. Below it there will be a subscribe button, which when clicked on will take them to the first full eshot. They can still unsubscribe as they will be asked again if the content is of interest. The last thing I need is for negative comments to appear about me or my company.
In the UK we’re being bombarded by eshots and mobile phone messages about Payment Protection, Debt Right Off and Pension Release. I didn’t ask or agree to receive this stuff, especially through my mobile as I can’t unsubscribe. Now that PISSES ME OFF and I can’t stop it!!
John,
Great to get your comment, I admire you on your LI plan, not sure I’d do that even with opt-outs. Hoping perhaps you have vetted your list carefully to ensure that what you are sharing is relevant, meaningful and of value to the peeps being mailed.
I will always let my LI peeps know of opps that are relevant by sorting by industry or keyword. Some in my network don’t do that and send junk regularly, making me want to fish for that disconnect key.
Do you in the UK not have a DO NOT CALL LIST? It is pretty effective, though not 100% here in USA.
Hugs, Melissa
Hi Melissa. Well you sure have confused me now!?! 🙂 I’ve always been under the assumption that if someone and I exchange business cards that that means they want to keep up with what our studio has been doing, just like I want to know what they’re up to. Why else would we exchange business cards?? That’s the rule I’ve been following for years with absolutely no problems. I’ve never had anyone upset with me and when we send out our newsletter people can opt out any time. In fact, many people thank us for adding them so they can keep up with what we’re doing. I find it very confusing to hear you say that when we network and meet new people in our field AND we swap business cards that its not proper etiquette to add them to our email list. I agree we cannot add them to our blog, and I agree it’s not appropriate to just add someone from Twitter or FB. But at least in Austin, when we receive a business card, we add them to our newsletter lists and this has been the common and standard practice here. So for instance, everyone that our studio connected with at the January Atlanta market automatically goes on our newsletter list so that they can keep up with what we’re doing. They have the option to opt out anytime and we have found that this system works very well for us and them. We do not send out junk mail. We used to send a monthly newsletter that many appreciated…but now we do it just quarterly and steer them toward our blog. We have never had anyone complain about this or felt like we were spamming them. Most of our customers and fans are very appreciative that we add them to our list so they know what’s happening at our studio. So I’m a little baffled by your statements and your definition of when/when not to add someone to our newsletter list. Not inclined to mess with a system that has worked for us, our clients, and our followers all these years, but from the way you describe it, I’m being incredibly rude. This is definitely not our intention, nor have I felt that anyone has ever thought that about our studio. But maybe I’m wrong?? But don’t worry….you’re not on our list!! 🙂 Our list is made up of social and business contacts we’ve connected with over a long period of time and people who sign our guest list at events. In our etiquette book, our list comes from people who voluntarily give us their business cards or email info. I hope in your book that doesn’t make us spam. Thanks, Deborah
Deborah,
You sound like you are in a rare and luxurious place. Certainly if what you’ve been doing is working, keep it up. I simply know that am worn out by all the uninvited and unopted-in mail that I and colleagues receive.
For me, just providing my business card, doesn’t give someone permission to send me their newsletter. It does give them permission to contact me directly by phone or email and invite me to business events, ask for advice or resources, or the like.
There are many vendors in design who have put me, without permission on their mailing list, just because I stopped in their showroom. I stop in hundreds of showrooms and if asked for a card, used to politely produce one, now I say I’ve run out because I know they’ll but me on a list without my permission.
Your audience may not be bombarded by national and global reps as I am. Be glad.
Hugs, Melissa
Thanks Melissa for your feedback! 🙂 You’ve given me a lot of food for thought. We’ve decided to keep our present system in Austin going…but in the future, when someone gives us their business card we will politely ask if they’d like to receive our newsletter to stay abreast with our studio. Then we can notate it if they decline. That way, we can be sure to follow the proper etiquette, while at the same time have opp to learn more about this new person we met, and how our studio might be helpful to them in the future. Thanks for the post and for helping us put one extra step of courtesy into our process so we can continue to provide excellence in our customer service. Thanks so much! Deborah
Glad to hear it Deborah, I’ve not doubt the content your provide is of awesome creative value :). Hugs, Melissa
Boy, do I hear ya on this one Melissa! When I have forgotten to ask, I assume that I’m not putting someone on my list. As someone who has primarily done business online for the last few years, I’m extremely sensitive to this one. I end up on a gazillion lists and have no clue who is sending me what. I’m pretty gentle on the spam click thing unless someone just seems to put me on something else under a different name.
Another of my HUGE beefs are those who “hide” behind a company name and leave me to guess who is sending me stuff. Argghhhh..
Thanks for taking this one on straight up!
blessings
MamaRed
Thanks MamaRed,
I resemble that remark and had to finally say something about it! I don’t use the spam button often either, but will in rare cases because I was added arbitrarily and am NOT a fit.
UGH!
Big Hugs,
Melissa
It is tempting to add loads of professionals who also match the profile of your ideal client and would benefit from being on your list, but I refrain because I DO want to work with them at some point.
Instead, while exchanging cards, I gently mention that they can download my free ebook which might be useful to them at the url on the back of the card. Quite a few do join the list and write to say how much they have enjoyed it. The ones who don’t? Well, perhaps they will later or maybe at a higher level there would not be a fit. Grateful for the ones who join me!
Regards
Vatsala
Vatsala,
You are wise to allow them the option and make it an invitation with value. Those that do are ready, those that don’t may not be ready or may not be a fit. Well done!
Hugs, Melissa
After doing business analysis for a corporate Marketing department, I am very sensitive to emailing, opt-in, and opt-out. I dealt with CAN-SPAM legislation implementation. Opting in has to be very deliberate and specific. Every email or newsletter MUST have an unsubscribe link that WORKS.
Sincerely,
John
John,
You are so correct and all of mine do. I find many I receive don’t, but don’t have the time to chase them down and report them . . . grrrrr.
Hugs, Melissa
Well well well. I have had this discussion many times with one particular individual on Linkedin. Any time the subject of Constant Contact (or the like) is brought up he chimes in proudly and admits that at every networking event he attends, he collects as many business cards as he can and adds them to his list. Oy Vey!!
Here’s my $0.02 for what it’s worth. Maybe $0.03 since I’m an accounting professinoal (according to some).
When I go to a networking event and someone gives me their card, yes it means they want to GET in touch and maybe keep in touch. My perception has always been that this means a direct 1:1 e-mail after the event letting them know it was great meeting them etc.. In fact what I usually to is take a snapshot of their card with my Evernote app on my phone so I can make notes about what we discussed. This way I can specifically reference that information when I follow up. That let’s them know I actually paid attention and cared enough.
What I usually do in that follow up e-mail is offer that “if they choose to..” they can opt in to my e-mail list and of course I provide them with the link.
This way instead of getting a bunch of people on my list who may or may not actually be bothering to read it, I get direct engagement and a much better chance of getting their business and/or referrals.
Last part – when I send that follow up I usually offer to meet for lunch so we can “discuss how we can help one another.” I have earned many $1,000’s in new business based on this strategy. This has proven SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE than just slamming people into my list.
Just my $0.02 – $0.03 from Beautiful downtown (presently rainy) Burbank, CA
Seth,
Agree entirely and I do the same thought no meeting every time as not always appropriate, and I’d be fielding a few too many pick-Melissa’s-brain sessions, LOL.
Well said and your “friend” on LinkedIn will one day be tagged SPAM by an annoyed acquaintance, enough said.
Hugs, Melissa
Oops – I’ll remove your name right now 🙂
Just an FYI – you need to put in a warning at the start of this – before the video – to not have coffee or water in one’s mouth.. Thankfully, I had just swallowed my mouthful of water 🙂
It’s a great point you make about adding people without asking and I’ll add:
do not put people into your FB groups without asking
Lynn
Thanks Lynn,
It does get profoundly frustrating, currently I average receiving over 600 mails a day and over 500 are junk including ezines I’ve never opted in for. I read maybe 2-3 ezines a week, that’s it and they are from my mentors.
Yes, agreed on the FB groups, very annoying and inappropriate as well.
Glad you get it! Melissa
AMEN, Melissa. I’d write more but others … and you… have already covered anything additional I’d add. Except to say I also follow Seth David’s technique with equally good results.
Hey Kat,
Yes, Seth is savvy and a friend. Whatever system works for you is fine. I’m just frustrated by the lack of netiquette on the part of far too many online professionals and offline networkers!
Hugs,
Melissa
I totally agree, Melissa! It’s amazing how often people add me to their list … often I don’t even know how they got my name. That includes one of my competitors, who I have no idea how or why they added me, but it has proved to be a good way to see what they’re up to.
Marlys,
That is hilarious about your competitor and how great that it has served you well and them far less so! I’m getting dangerously close to hitting SPAM on those unwelcome emails I find myself inundated with.
Hugs,
Melissa
Ay, Melissa! I have an even worse problems with my Latino peers. We Latinos are super communicative and love to share. We are always sending each other photos, inspirational stuff and so on. So the cultural assumption is that if I love it, you’ll love it too, and you’ll be so happy I spread the love.
As a result, not only do peers send anything and everything, they send it from their individual emails, as a group, with ALL names visible. Ouch!
What happens then is that every person in that lists adds every person in the list to their email, and starts sending stuff. Double Ouch!
And if you say something, they may feel hurt or rejected. And you may have a relationship issue in your hands. Ay Ay Ay!
I spent so much time telling them about SPAM laws, proper ntiquette etc, that eventually I created an email draft with all the information and send it as a reply to peers who put me on their list and then include me in a visible group email.
Now this behavior has dwindled, as people get more savvy, but it’s still a cultural blind spot due to our friendliness and passion to share. Mos often the people doing it don’t even think that their conduct is inappropriate! They actually think that it’s a loving thing to do!! Que sera, sera!
Thanks for helping to educate with this.
Maria,
I feel your pain, used to have friends and colleagues who did this (and even my sister!) I begged them to use BCC at least because the other challenge was the flood of REPLY ALL that ensued every email. I never do REPLY ALL even when I’m supposed to (very rare.)
I’m sure the community will learn, yes a bit of a cultural difference but in professional community particularly it is a huge time zap.
Hang in there.
Hugs,
Melissa
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