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How to Build Profitable Relationships and Powerful Friends: It’s All in the Invitation

Wahhhh, I admit it, I haven’t been on LinkedIn much this year so far.  In fact, I haven’t been doing nearly as much social “networking” as I did the last two years. Maybe it’s because I’m doing more real time networking, or perhaps social media is truly in that state of flux, but whatever the reason I can safely say that I continue to be amazed and often amused by the number of connection invitations and friend requests I get. I would be flattered but I know that numbers mean nothing. I also know that many suffer the delusion that you can gain fame or fortune by association, you can’t.Social networking invitations are a dime a dozen, here is a quick primer on how to make yours stand out and truly launch relationships of power, profit, and purpose.

From a Former Numbers Junkie!

Social Networking Invitations, Facebook Friends, How to Invite Friends on Facebook, How to Grow Your LinkedIn Network, How to Write an a Social Networking Invitation, LinkedIn Etiquette
Are You a Numbers Junky?

In case you don’t know me well, please know that I turned off a Twitter profile New Year’s eve of 2010 with over 55K followers, so what?  I also purged over 3500 Facebook “friends” at the same time, using the criteria that if I didn’t recognize your name or face, you weren’t really a friend, now were you? I even disconnected from a few LinkedIn connections and never heard a word (there are a ton of folks on all of these networks who are entirely inactive.)

When I opened LinkedIn this weekend I had over 150 invites to connect and another 50+ on Facebook. Reading this you may be salivating, you may be wishing you had these kind of numbers and you may want to know how you too can become the object of affection for so many who don’t even know you. Well, it isn’t difficult. (By the way, if you are one of those who ranks your success by how many social networking invitations you get, stop reading here, you are going to be offended.)

Must Haves for a Meaningful Invitation (that gets accepted)
There are just three things I require to say yes to an invitation. Interestingly, and somewhat tragically, rarely do more than 20% of the people asking for the connection do these things. Sure, there are others less stringent than I am. And still others more so. Here are my requirements and I encourage you to make them yours.

#1 A current headshot (in social media speak that’s “avatar,” don’t ask me why they needed a fancy word for a simple picture, it’s the internet!)

WHY? If you aren’t going to take the time to put up at least a headshot, it is unlikely you are going to take the time to network effectively or consistently. I don’t want “dead wood” in my networks (otherwise known as numbers for numbers sake). I want my network to be alive and active. (Okay I admit that may seem a tiny bit hypocritical since I’ve been a bit remiss in my own activities, but I’m still far more active than far too many, lol.)

#2 A personal invitation.
Social Networking Invitations, Facebook Friends, How to Invite Friends on Facebook, How to Grow Your LinkedIn Network, How to Write an a Social Networking Invitation, LinkedIn EtiquetteWHY? I taught at Evening at Emory for over a decade. I have spoken to audiences from California to China. A lot of people may recognize me, but I won’t recognize a lot of them. If I don’t know why you want to connect, as in specifically how we know each other, why am I going to connect to you?

Facebook Friends
On Facebook this happens all the time. For every 10 invites I get, I get maybe one that has a personal note. I either “ignore” the others or I’ll invite them over to my fan page which I don’t consider personal, strictly business.

LinkedIn Connections
On LinkedIn, the challenge is worse because everyone seems to want to use the work around of saying we’ve worked together. At the rate of my invites, if I said yes, I’d have worked for over 100 companies in as many countries by now. I haven’t and don’t want to. I like, respect, and demand honesty. Stop using work arounds and find someone who knows me to help you connect. If I’m not worth that, then I’m not worth having in your network.

#3 A reason to connect.

WHY? This isn’t rocket science. I find it immensely helpful to know if this is about you wanting something specific by connecting, or you think we have a lot in common and might have good business synergy, or you are going to pitch me your MLM (I don’t recommend that by the way.) Just growing your network by seeing how many will connect you virtually is completely worthless. I guarantee you already know all the people you will ever need to know to realize every dream you have. You simply aren’t tapping the gold you have, instead you are busy scrounging about for new bright shiny bits that won’t get mined any better than those you’ve had for years.

In the beginning of my social media experience, just three short years ago, I learned that, allegedly, the route to take was to go for numbers and say yes to every Tom, Dick, Harry, Teresa, Mary, and Josephine.  I’ve learned better and don’t advocate that at all. You get to choose who is in your network and there are those who only want in because they want to mine your contacts or rub shoulders with you. I believe in networking with those whom I can contribute to and who contribute to me. This is about reciprocity and a genuine desire to help others, it isn’t about numbers.

Stop the social networking invitation madness, get selective, get personal, and for goodness sakes get real with your avatar. We will notice when we meet you at an event and there is zero recognition. I’ve actually had those folks who walked up to me, started jabbering away, and I had to ask who they were. Only to find out that they were Twitter friends or Facebook buddies who were skating by with pictures that bore no more resemblance than a pumpkin does to an orange. Politeness can only cover so much disconnect. (And I have a lot of experience on this front with online dating, lol.)

Filed Under: Best Business Practices, Client Acquisition, Marketing Strategies, Social Media Marketing Tagged With: Business Development, Facebook, Marketing Strategies, Social Media Marketing, Social networking, Success Habits

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Comments

  1. Katrina says

    July 23, 2011 at 9:16 am

    This does not sound like a broken record.
    The broken record is the numbers game.
    ‘Course you can count, but why should you be bored
    By quantities, whose quality’s the same?
    To do a good job’s an absolute must
    In order to know, to like and to trust.

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 24, 2011 at 12:00 pm

      Thanks Katrina,

      Always love your shares!

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  2. Marilyn says

    July 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    I’ve been doing the same thing!
    So I understand wholeheartedly!

    Rock On!

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 24, 2011 at 12:00 pm

      Thanks Marilyn,

      Glad to know I’m not alone in the quest for quality and reailty instead of a prolific virtuality!

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  3. Victoria Reeve says

    July 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Sounds ridiculous but, until one of your early postings on this topic, I felt rude rejecting any requests – including the ones without a headshot or a personal note! Your posting provided the all-important ‘aha!’ moment, and I immediately started exercising my freedom to not respond to requests that left me feeling disrespected or uneasy in any way, and to begin cleaning out my FB ‘friends’ list.

    Reiteration never hurts – you never know who needs to hear this message, exactly as written, today. Thank you for writing and posting your message the day I needed to hear it!

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 24, 2011 at 12:02 pm

      Victoria,

      I’m thrilled to hear that! Yes, I even still get a twinge on those invites that I “ignore” but I have minimum standards of friendliness and know too well, from growing up with a celebrity, that hangers on are ultimately just that.

      Stick to your guns on the quality and you’ll reap rich rewards in relationships and business.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
      • Michelle Lopez says

        July 24, 2011 at 4:40 pm

        Curious which celebrity you grew up with?

        P.S. I love this line – “I guarantee you already know all the people you will ever need to know to realize every dream you have. You simply aren’t tapping the gold you have, instead you are busy scrounging about for new bright shiny bits that won’t get mined any better than those you’ve had for years.”

        There was a period when I was marketing myself like crazy and drowning in prospects. Meanwhile, I was missing out on opportunities that were available through people who were already in my network! Lesson learned.

        I’m glad I discovered your blog – great stuff. I’ll be reading it more often.

        Reply
  4. Jana says

    July 23, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    The truth all day Melussa. I also don’t except every invitation in the whole social network circle. Thanks for the wisdom.

    Blessings, Jana

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 24, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      Jana,

      Glad to hear you are exercising your right to be selective. Hey go add your avatar to gravatar.com so we can see you here.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  5. Halina - Flow~Integration says

    July 24, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Melissa, I just LOVE reading these words. I so resonate.

    I so appreciate connecting with people – when it’s real!
    You are definitely one I am experiencing as real, present, authentic – a gift to your social network! 🙂

    Much appreciation!

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 26, 2011 at 10:47 am

      Halina,

      Many thanks for your kind words. Being real is the only way I know how to be!

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  6. Tracey Tarrant says

    July 25, 2011 at 7:20 am

    THANK YOU!!! I like to call it, “Organic Growth”

    In fact, I need to re-weed out not only my social networks, but for my clients too.

    I’m glad to see others are finally starting to get the fact it’s not about how many people you can follow or how fast you get to 10k…it’s about the QUALITY of connections and having a network you can actually mange.

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      July 26, 2011 at 10:47 am

      Manage? But Tracy that is what you do best, LOL.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  7. Carrie Chavez Hansen says

    August 29, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I really appreciate your insight Melissa! I actually have felt guilty for not accepting SoMe invites; but no more. Thanks for the kick that I needed in that arena.

    Carrie Chavez Hansen

    Reply
    • Melissa Galt says

      September 1, 2011 at 10:44 am

      Carrie,

      Guilt is a choice, don’t choose it! LOL. I know that feeling and got over it a long time ago.

      You are wonderfully in charge of who you let into your inner circle.

      Hugs, Melissa

      Reply
  8. Desiree says

    June 30, 2016 at 5:46 am

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog.
    I really hope to check out the same high-grade content by you later on as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get
    my own website now 😉

    Reply

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