As a communicator and expresser in this great world, I have an almost impossible time when someone goes silent on me. It could be a friend, a signficant other, a client. It can be because they are overwhelmed in their own lives, need time for themselves or whatever other reason, but it still deeply affects me particularly when I don’t see it coming and can’t seem to understand it. Now I totally understand overwhelm, overload, and time out, but wouldn’t it make sense to send out a small alert that this is what you are doing?? Rather than leave those that care about you and interact with you regularly wondering?
The most amazing part to me is that these same people have a unique way of picking up where they left off next time they see you as if they never submerged so to speak. I want to know what happened? Where have they been? Was it something I said (not usually anything to do with me!)? And why couldn’t they just have given me a heads up before going silent. In many ways it feels like abandonment and that is too close to those icky childhood issues that occasionally rear their heads (well, I’m not perfect yet!)
So instead of torturing myself, I now try to let go, let go, let go and get on with my life and if they show back up and I have time then that is great, if not then it is too bad. If they had had the courtesy and consideration to give me a heads up, I would gladly support them in their absence and silence and look forward to their return. When suddenly stranded I can’t say that I feel that open to the return. My feelings are bruised by their abrupt behavior and I have to heal from that. It doesn’t mean I care for them any less, but that I need to let them know that their behavior is unappreciated and unacceptable to me. And that leads to another topic . . . Boundaries, but that is another time. MG
