Life comes at us hard and fast on most days. If you are at all like me, you strive to have an even temper, a balanced outlook, and not let the turkeys get you down. But there are those times, those circumstances, and those people that will simply push every button you have and you’ll find yourself losing your cool, giving up your balance, and well running amok emotionally, possibly even physically and mentally. I’ve got a way to prevent that.
You need to know this is coming from a person who for over twenty years lived a roller coaster existence on many levels. I was denied the diagnosis of bipolar yet could find myself feeling over the top of the world at one moment and knowing a crash would be coming soon after usually precipitated by some outside action or person. In plain English, I allowed my moods to be determined by the people and events around me. I let other people make me a crazy person. I let outside events dictate my reactions, not my actions. It wasn’t pretty, it was downright exhausting for me and those around me.
Today, I have a fresh approach. What I do may just work for you too. When you find yourself about to spin out of control, feeling pushed and pulled by those people and events outside of you, stop. Ask yourself these simple and powerful questions. Will it matter in two weeks? Two months? Two years? My lifetime? The “it” is whatever is about to make you crazy. It could be a client or customer, a vendor or provider who isn’t delivering on time, a bad product, a missed opportunity, a cranky child, a fender bender, a health challenge.
Sometimes the answer is that “it” will matter and you’ll need to step up, but stepping up isn’t blowing up. You will lose all effectiveness if you mistake one for the other. ACTION is the only way forward, not reaction. I know this well, I lived it. In fact, I still live it. Every day I have to make moment by moment choices on how I want to ACT, instead of defaulting to reacting.
I’m not perfect, and you aren’t either. I get it right most of the time, sometimes I slide into that abyss of reaction. You will too, forgive yourself, and climb back out as quickly as possible. Those around you who matter and care will forgive you too because they’ll have the same kind of moments and want your forgiveness for themselves.
When you allow yourself (and it is entirely your choice, so stop making excuses and thinking anyone else is in charge of your life, they aren’t), to be swayed by all manner of outside people and circumstances, you are going to find yourself feeling wiped out, wrung out, and overwrought. It’s a choice, not always an easy one, but definitely always the right one to keep your core self strong and upright like the flag pole that holds up the flag. The flag may wave, may shift, may be straight out in the wind one day and the next hang quietly with nary a breeze, but the flagpole never waivers.
I’d love to read your comments about how you stay the course when all around you is feeling chaotic, crazy, and not what you want. This works for me, I’m betting it will work for you.
I stay on course by reading your blog.
Trey,
That is high praise!
Thank you,
Melissa
Long walks, especially by water, have such a soothing and positive effect on my mood and thinking. Some of my best thoughts have occurred while walking along a shoreline.
Valanda,
I am right there with you. I love to escape to nature to recharge and renew.
Hugs, Melissa
I stay on course by renewing my mind with God’s Word everyday! Works wonders!
It is so important to remember that we are in charge of ourselves and we don’t have to let circumstances and/or people sway us…I love your flag/flagpole analogy!
Have a beautiful week, Melissa!
Blessings~
Kathleen
Thanks Kathleen,
Yes, I am an avid reader of Daily Word and Creative Mind, both are uplifting and inspirational!
Hugs, Melissa
Great article Melissa. I teach a weekly meditation and the advice we give is pretty much identical to what you write.
– Our experience of the world is completely dependent upon how WE view it
– We can’t control life, but we can control how we respond
Thanks again 🙂
Kate
Absolutely Kate,
We are of like minds. My apologies for delayed reply, we’ve changed hosting and my notifications got turned off!
Hugs, Melissa
Thank you for being brave enough to say the things that a lot of us are feeling, but are afraid to articulate. Please know how freeing it is to hear someone share their struggles and the successful processes they have implemented to cope with those struggles. These things are so very common to us all, and your willingness to put it out there for discussion provokes change in many people. You are so transparent……and I must say, even more so lately……and I admire you for that. You always give good content with solid steps to apply that content to our businesses and our lives. I can’t wait to hear what you say next!
Ronda,
Many thanks! Yes, I’m focused on delivering more reality and personality. It is sometimes tough to let go of the professional view, but since I’m one who likes to be fearless, here it all is!
Hugs, Melissa
Wow, I have just sat here in a very dark exhausted place reading ur advice, I have never read anything before that has been so true so thank you so much xxxxx I react to everything in my life I actually never ACT on my reactions so therefore I end up the way I am now burnt out xxxx I am going to act from now on thank u so so much xxxxx❤️❤️❤️❤️
Your point of view caught my eye and was very interesting. Thanks. I have a question for you. https://accounts.binance.com/ru-UA/register-person?ref=S5H7X3LP